Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
