We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
