u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
