It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
