What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
