What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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