So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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