in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
