Cold hands, warm shart.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
