We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
