Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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