do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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