this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
