Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
