listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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