She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
