just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
