hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he thought i was a dude.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
