I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
