What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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