She is in my trunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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