she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
