my mouth tastes like poor choices
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
