Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
