I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
