Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
