The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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