I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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