I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
