I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
