Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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