Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
