I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
