i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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