Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
