I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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