I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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