Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
