Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
