My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
