You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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