Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
