You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
