Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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