im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
