i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
