You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The air was thick with penises
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
