My hand turned me down
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
