I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
