He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
