I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
